The Reluctant Read online

  The one thing I remember clearly is her last question to me: “If you could trade your life for Brooke’s, would you?”

  I then asked her to leave my dorm room without answering that question. She said nothing as she departed, but ran her clear green eyes over me possessively. I remember shivering my too-warm room. I slept without dreams that night, but awoke to a nightmare the next day. New Year’s Eve ended the last year of my human life, and I was powerless to struggle against such Fate.

  Emily

  Waking up with the streaming sun on my face from Will’s eastern-facing window, I felt the soporific effect of his presence. He was definitely in the house again. My body seemed to reach through the distance between us towards him; once again, I wanted to rage at his body drugging mine, but the soft swirling mood of sanguinity proved too appetizing. It made the limbs of my body limber and my mind vulnerable, impressionable to whatever Will wanted of me.

  I yawned and stretched, reluctantly sliding from the bed.

  “Will?” I called, knowing he would immediately answer.

  “What baby?” he shouted from the kitchen. Now I could smell the bacon. It made my mouth water and stomach growl. I remembered that I hadn’t finished my spaghetti last night. The running had not helped. Why was I not freaked out about the wolves? Well, obviously Will’s tangent on pheromones had been truth. Nothing else could have made me completely oblivious to the stresses of everyday life or blunted the horror of the previous night. Fear had no place in me, especially not when more primal urges called.

  “Was just wondering where you were,” I said softly.

  He didn’t answer that, probably, I thought at the time, because he did not hear it. My mind wandered while I went through perfunctory morning exercises. I may not have been able to experience the strong adrenaline rush while recalling the previous night, but I could still experience curiosity. The green-eyed canine from last night played through my dreams, rescuing me each time from monsters who wanted to eat me. Did wolves have green eyes? Surely not…

  After the trip to the bathroom (who ever talks about going to the bathroom when recounting an event, I always wondered?), I came into the kitchen. My plate was already ready as usual.

  “I have some questions,” I said while sitting down to eat. Will smiled brightly and poured a glass of orange juice. It was all so normal after the events of last night, how could I not feel its calming influence?

  “And like I said before, I have some things to tell you about myself,” he said quietly. “Maybe the two will be of the same subject material.”

  “Fair enough,” I responded. I forked some eggs before they got cold and gross. “First things first: Where did you go?”

  “I had to get out of the house. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  I frowned. “Were you mad at me?”

  “I promise, it wasn’t you.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I know. It’s not me, it’s you? Right? Yes, most overused male line in history.”

  He grinned. “But it works so well.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I said sarcastically, still eating. I was more skeptical of my next question, but Will would not make fun of me. “Did I imagine the wolves last night?”

  “No.”

  I waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. Obviously I had to drag the information out of him.

  “Not even the one that broke into the house?”

  He cleared his throat and squirmed in his chair like a small child. “That was Luka. He’s a little temperamental, especially when you called him a dog. Not the smartest idea you’ve ever had.”

  “You keep wolves as pets?” My face had to have betrayed my shock. “And you named one after your best friend?”

  “They’re not pets. The reason he has the same name as my friend, is because he is my friend.”

  I nearly choked on a slice of bacon. “Bullshit.”

  His face turned red. “I will never lie to you, Emily. How else would I have known that you called Luka a dog?”

  “People don’t turn into wolves. That’s stupid,” I said dismissively.

  “Shows what you know about the world,” he replied sarcastically. I hadn’t seen Will angry these last few days, but he was coming close now. His outrage over my disbelief had me wondering if maybe, just maybe, I could be wrong about this. My mind was highly malleable at the moment, so I suppose I took a leap of faith. I kept my voice level and without criticism as I tried to wrap my mind around this horror movie idea.

  “Wait, Will, are you seriously trying to tell me that your friends turn into wolves after dark?”

  “And sometimes during the day,” he said, regaining some of his calm. “But most of the time we are walking, talking, prime examples of humanity.”

  I had finished my breakfast now, but still felt as if I choked. “We?” I asked, losing some of my earned composure.

  “You named me yourself last night, Emily,” he pointed out. “You knew it was me from the very beginning.”

  I tripped over my words. “But, but I was scared. My mind wasn’t right. You’re…no, you can’t be. It’s impossible.”

  “Nothing is impossible.”

  “That means you’re like…” I stumbled over my words, but charged forward anyway, “a werewolf?”

  It sounded silly, even to me. I realized just how juvenile the words were as I watched his face move to twisted disdain.

  The need to apologize overcame me with brute force at that look. “I’m sorry, it’s just that…”

  “I am not a dog-man with mange,” he snarled.

  “But you just said…”

  “And you obviously do not know how to listen. And I am wasting my time trying to teach you anything yet.”

  I jerked as if slapped. The silence fell around us for a long moment. I do not recall my feelings at the time, but I’m sure disbelief gained the forefront. I finally decided to accept him at face value and move on. After all, there are worse things in life: the murder in the park, for instance. Or wolves who wanted to rip me apart in the shadowy woods—things like that. It was he who broke the impasse, as if he sensed my hesitant acceptance of him.

  “I wasn’t always like this,” he mumbled softly. “I was human like you once. I didn’t suffer. I could be around normal people and not have to worry about how upset I became over a political argument or what time of the month it was.” His face dropped tremendously and his eyes would not meet mine. “I could touch a woman without hurting her.”

  I twisted my hands indecisively. “I’m sorry, Will. I’m trying to understand. I have to ask though; why were those wolves…your friends…why did they chase me?”

  He sighed, meeting my eyes at last. “Those are not my friends. They hang around my property the week before the full moon. They are Lycanti—Changelings—who have lost their mates for whatever reasons, some from death, some from abandonment.” A long pause. “They want me.”

  “For what?” I asked dumbly, mind still reeling.

  “As a mate,” he replied sadly. “I am the son of a ranking Lycanthrope, and being mated to me provides instant protection from the violence of the pack for past transgressions. Most, not all, of those who hunt me killed their mates and are rebels—loners—who will be killed if they ever return to Mexico. Not the best personals ad. They seek sanctuary through me. They want to go home.”

  “And these, um, Lycanti, they’re mad because you’re with me?”

  “Yes. They think that there are enough Lycanti females to choose from and want to kill you before your Change.”

  My eyes widened. “What change?” I asked.

  “Your induction as one of us, of course,” he replied coolly, more confident in his words. “So I can have you forever.”

  I jumped up from my seat. “Woah, woah, wait a minute. I don’t want to be one of those…those things.”

  He stood, towering over me. The smell of breakfast and tension hung in the air heavily between us. I wanted my mind to throw off the influence h
e had on me with the same fluidity which my body utilized to spring from my seat.

  His face deepened into a frown. “You have no choice. My body is already linked to yours. Can’t you feel it?”

  “You mean like how I know when you’re around?”

  “Yes. We’re destined to be with each other.”

  “I don’t believe in destiny,” I argued. “I make my own decisions.”

  “I feel like in time, you will decide to be with me.”

  “Not if I leave,” I said evenly. Even as I said it and contemplated it, an ache shot through my body, as if telling me that I could not leave this man without its retaliation.

  “Then I will keep you from leaving,” he stated.

  I verbally and physically fought against him that morning in the kitchen. And I lost. I fought weakly due to his overpowering, manipulative biological effect on me. Being in the house with him overnight, I could not resist breathing him in. This fight was the last vestiges of my free mind struggling against the captivity of Will’s influence. He locked me in the guest room with its adjoining bathroom, never leaving the house. I did hear another man’s voice that day, but being locked in my room, I had no means of finding out whose voice spoke.

  I must admit, this was a shameful transition for me. It was the last time I fought him on anything. From then on, I was his prisoner mind and body. It hurts me to admit it now, to allow my weakness to be known for all, but this is not a story about how I wish things would have turned out. It’s a tale of what actually happened. And my acquiescence to domination is not fiction, just as Will did not lie to me about his curious friends or himself. Over the next few days, I would become entangled in a world that did not want me, had no use for me, and could have devoured me whole without even pinning my ears back.

  After two full days and then some in imprisonment, Will knew that he held me under his sway. The horror of being Changed into a…werewolf?...faded. Suddenly, I found myself bored, passing the time mostly be reading and watching TV. I reached that trance-like state again, and accepted my boredom as just punishment for my doubt of a man who only wanted me to want him. He did not speak to me through the door, just slid hand-written poems under its frame. I read them, happy to have something new to study. The poems were beautiful, romantic in an abstract way with their nature references. Because of Will, I became familiar with W.B. Yeats, John Keats, and even e.e. cummings, who became one of my favorites. I can even recite a piece of the poem I received from Will, I liked it so much:

  No fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want

  No world (for beautiful you are you are my world, my true)

  And it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

  And whatever a sun will always sing is you

  Yes, lovely. I never liked English in high school, so the poetry touched a chord in me that had long gone unstrung. Was I in love? No, definitely not at that time, for there was that quiet corner of my mind that rejected being imprisoned biologically and physically, but I did enjoy the attention. Finally, early one evening (or so the clock on the wall told me, but without windows, I really wasn’t sure), he entered the room and left the door hanging wide open. I had no desire to flee. If anything, I actually wanted to kiss him and lead my body into his. I had missed his warm comfort. He accepted my embrace and did not taunt me for giving in. Were I to love him for anything, I would have loved him for that.

  “Would you like to go out tonight?” he asked with a smile.

  “Oh yes,” I purred, pushing my face into his hard chest.

  He tipped my chin up and kissed me gently. My body instantly responded, mocking his gentleness with its insistent passion that surprised me. His hands roamed down my ribs and stomach.

  “God, I love your curves,” he exhaled heavily.

  I squirmed away from his touch, but stayed close enough to rub my hands beneath his shirt and over his flat stomach. Such a beautiful man, and he was mine. I kissed him greedily as his hands found my body again. Once again, we made love as if Will didn’t have the potential to hurt me. His thrusts were tender and he licked my neck and shoulders before finding my lips to wonderfully crush me with his claim. My body responded to his in no time, my nerves quivering in delight for reacting this way. I lay back in quiet contentment, my body completely sated and my mind not far behind. I was Will’s, body and soul now. That’s a heavy phrase to use and quite cliché to the extreme, but at that moment in time, I remember feeling nothing but affection for the man who wanted to possess me.

  “So where are we going?” I asked, lazily brushing back his dark hair.

  He opened one eye sleepily. “Oh yes. You make me forget so easily with this stunning body of yours.”

  I grinned, openly and optimistically.

  “Well, other than the fact that you’re still wearing the same clothes you had on when you arrived, I think it will be nice to get out. I mean, not that I don’t enjoy you lounging around naked while I launder your clothes,” he added impishly. “Luka wants us to go to this arcade with him. He’s anxious to meet you—as a human, that is.” Will seemed amused.

  I sat up in the bed. “Really? Aren’t you boys a little old for games like that?” I thought that perhaps I was, too, but my excitement continued to rise at the prospect of enjoying a night away from Will’s house to actually meet someone.

  So a shopping trip and a night under the lights of a digital playground; not my usual Friday night, but I was definitely up for meeting another of the Lycanti. Had Luka killed his mate, too? We rose to dress, and I felt like that night would be significant in the course of our getting to know each other better.

  Will

  I loved seeing you happy and relaxed that night at the arcade. The new clothes helped, I believe. Seeing you every day in your running attire began to get old, so your new jeans and your shirt that smelled like melted plastic clung to your body in a way I had never imagined clothes to do. And the fact that you wore your long, dark hair down made me want to bury my face in it, or even run my fingers through it. You were beautiful without makeup, but when I saw that thickly-applied mascara and eyeliner, I could have taken you there. I had no idea that you were so sinister. I should have assumed by your music and your manners in bed how wild you are, but I guess I just wanted you to be the innocent element in my life.

  I thought you might find it childish that Luka and I wanted to play pool and ski ball for a few hours, but then again, I have seen lately how absolutely delightfully playful you are.

  Anyway, I don’t know why I wanted you to meet Luka so badly. His evident self control only highlights my lack of it. If only he had known then what I intended for you by his hands, he may have never agreed to speak to you. He is the only one left around here that can do it though. I don’t want to ask him, but I will. And he may think less of me for it, for which I will be greatly sorry.

  But where else am I to find another Lycanthrope to do the deed?

  Emily

  That night, the bright lights of the arcade brought me to life. Still being a teenager helped. The first thing I saw about this arcade was that it was not for children. It served alcohol and I might call it a gameroom under normal circumstances, but I know very little about the arguments of semantics.

  Luka sipped on a Miller Lite while waiting on us at the bar in the back of the building. Those eyes danced with humor—the same glow of Will’s eyes, only in the dusty shade of blue. He had already staked out a pool table, stacking four lines of quarters on the rails to reserve games. Since I’m horrible at pool and underage to drink, I figured that I would have a very boring night of listening to Luka and Will talk about werewolf things all night. And I must note that yes, even though Will had pretty much bawled me out for associating him with the popular horror movie stars, I could not help but think that, really, that’s what they were. Right?

  Luka’s gaze singed me as I walked in, taking in my walk and even how I turned my head shyly to look at him from the corner of my eyes. Will was h
andsome, but in a generic frat boy way. Luka’s exotic dark looks brought a blush to my face as I felt the twinge of guilt for betraying Will. But it was hard not to stare at those glowing sapphire eyes or note the playfully sardonic smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. Built like Will with the broad shoulders and the slim waist, they could pass for brothers but for the complexion, especially with the similar eyes. Will’s Caucasian background dominated his Hispanic, but this man’s skin was red-brown like burnt umber. No wonder his eyes seemed so bright, with skin as dark as that.

  “Ah, I see you finally decided to join me,” he said, his words heavily accented with some European flavor. Were all well-educated immigrants werewolves?

  Will roughly clapped him on the shoulder. “Yeah, well, I was busy entertaining your mom.”

  Luka laughed, a rich, buoying sound that brought a smile to my lips. His eyes cut sharply to me as I found myself under his full scrutiny again. He bowed low to me, coming back up to lock gazes with me. “If this captivating creature is my mother then no wonder I’m so pretty.”

  Now even Will laughed. I just blushed again and wondered how the hell Luka could be so charming.

  “Thank you,” I finally said after the laughing stopped. “I don’t think I’d made a good mother for you. I’m terribly selfish.”