The Reluctant Page 8

  “I will not Change you, Emily, no matter what Will says. I cannot hurt another woman. I destroyed my Shasta that way. She lives in eternal darkness because of me.”

  “She’s a vampire, isn’t she?” I had figured out that much by now from his one earlier conversation that mentioned her. Like I have stated, I am not stupid, it just takes me a while to figure things out. That, and yeah, it’s a bit of an obsession.

  “Yes,” he confirmed. “A Child of Dacre now. I have not seen her since they claimed her as one of their own.”

  I nodded. “I’m sorry for your loss. But I won’t let you carry my guilt, or Will’s. I have no desire to be Changed.”

  His eyes flashed to mine. “You do not want to be with Will?”

  “I don’t know what I want,” I admitted. A lone tear streaked a path down my cheek. “I’m scared of what you are.”

  He embraced me and I fell into him, burying myself in the solidity of his chest. All of the events from the past two months fell onto me and I cried. Not for the life I had lost before Will and Luka, but for my confusion. My words were truth. I didn’t know what I wanted: Luka’s friendship or Will’s love; my new life or my former—or even the third option which would leave me as a Changeling.

  He kissed me lightly on the forehead. “Don’t cry, meu cara, no tears tonight. Will loves you. If you truly do not wish to be Changed, surely he will not force such a thing on you.”

  I gazed up at him to find his eyes as wet as mine.

  “Did Shasta want the Change?”

  “Yes,” he said. Then, hesitantly he added, “or at least she professed to. She wanted to have my children.” He swallowed deeply and clinched his eyes shut. A single tear squeezed from the corner. “I did not deserve her.”

  I held him then, even though I remained snuggled against his chest. I stroked his head and his broad shoulders, pausing before running my hands over the jagged wound on his collarbone that had already healed to a puckered pink scar. The scar had joined the ranks of many of its brothers; it seemed that no part of Luka, when unclothed, remained free of these tokens. Only his back was smooth under my hands as I tried to calm him through touch.

  “Luka,” I said quietly. “What do you want?”

  “To be a father,” he answered instantly, sadly. “But I love no other as I loved Shasta and my clan is far away.” He placed my hand over his heart. “I still have not healed, though the pain is three years old.”

  A pang of remorse rushed through me for causing him pain. “I’m so sorry, Luka. For everything.”

  He smiled, his melancholy more apparent than ever. “You remind me of her sometimes, especially when you joke around with me. I have always felt we shared a special bond.”

  I nodded as my throat tightened. Somehow, my following words just came out without forethought. “We could be together, Luka. I would try to make you happy even if I can’t give you what you want.”

  Luka gently pushed me away from his chest and held me at arm’s length. “No, Emily, we will not see each other ever again—not unless you are Changed. I love you—not in the deep, desperate way that I loved Shasta, but you are a beautiful person, body and soul. If I am near during your time again, Will and I would fight to the death for the right to mate you. But when you are Changed and Bonded to Will, your scent will no longer hold that allure for me.” He shook his head slowly. “I will not hurt Will again. Ever.”

  “Luka…”

  My words trailed off since I could formulate no words to challenge his decision; his wolf form stood before me and gave me one last searching look with those icy eyes. His regret weighed heavily on me.

  “Good bye, Luka,” I whispered, afraid to speak lest the choking tears start. He jerked away at my words and ran. I feared I’d never see him again, and it broke my heart to think so. Luka’s pants were the only thing that remained on the lawn to remind me that he had been a part of my life at all.

  It took two days for me to fully resist the urge to leave Will’s house and return to my parents and the life I had known. Even with no Will here to exert his calming influence, I felt like every move I made towards going home was a lie. Time stretched on indeterminably despite hours of television as I listed all the reasons to go back to my old life. I would look at the clock and note that the hands had barely moved. My nerves were shot. I finally decided that I truly, truly could not go home. In grim acceptance of my situation, I realized that Will could just as easily come steal me away again. If the police came for him, he’d either kill them or Change and be under their notice as an animal.

  Not the least, the idea of betraying him in such a way made me prickly. I was already sick with grief that I had offered myself to Luka. I hoped he wouldn’t tell Will. I certainly never would.

  Two days later, a contrite Will came home to me in a borrowed pair of Luka’s clothes and on Luka’s motorcycle. They had two completely different styles: Will’s casual but almost preppy look with cargos and polos, Luka’s more rough and tumble with a preference for torn jeans and t-shirts. No wonder Luka and I got along so well, I thought for the first time. We even preferred the same type of clothes. I loved the way they fitted to Will’s contours.

  I opened the door wide for him, noticing his limp. I reached out for him and when I did, he fell into my arms, kissing my hair and my head. “I’m so sorry, Emily,” he murmured.

  I took him to bed to show him that I forgave him. At first, he acted like he didn’t want to touch me, but I knew that he would never tell me no. His body wouldn’t let him. I hate to leave out all the details of the gentle times, but honestly, they didn’t burn themselves into the memories of my flesh like when Will was desperate for me. I hate to say it for shame of sounding scandalous, but I began to get bored and resentful when he tried to take me tenderly. I knew he didn’t want to hold himself back from me, and I began to equate the violence of his passion with how much he cared for me.

  It’s amazing what the human body can get used to, isn’t it?

  Will

  Luka saved me. As wolves, it’s difficult to communicate, but I could tell by his size and his eyes that he was like me. I did not know if he was an enemy, but he did not seek to harm me, so I had to take a chance. I followed him home, trying with every step to get used to my new limbs and the disorientation that came with the Change.

  Brooke followed, too. I had not realized how stealthily she followed until she stepped into Luka’s living room, completely human and stunning as always. The added detail of her nudity helped, too. In too much agony over my physical state and reeling from my cannibalism, even spiced with anger at Brooke’s part in all this, I could not Change back. Of course, I did not know this during those first few days. My distress mounted as I became convinced that I would be like this for the rest of my life, eating the flesh of others and unable to reclaim my former self.

  But finally Luka spoke to me.

  “You have got to calm down,” he said quietly. “The Change is triggered by extreme stress and the full moon. You cannot become human again until you have reached peace with your current state.”

  I should have known from those words that I was no normal Lycanti then. Brooke had Changed back easily, slipping into her new wolf skin with the ease of the practiced. She got to the point where she could work herself up until she transformed, free to run away or pursue an enemy. I have always been jealous of that skill, for it is the closest one can get to fully controlling it, but that ability also makes me believe that Brooke is unbalanced and does not care about her humanity. I cannot find peace with the animal in me. I discovered that the more time Lycanti spend as wolves, the harder it is for them to put aside their basest passions.

  At first I did not understand why Luka could control it so much easier than us, seemingly without trying, but then he told me of the Clans. He knew my mother and hoped that bringing her into the conversation would make my transition easier. It did. I remembered that my mother had fooled everyone, even me, into believing that she wa
s normal. If she could do it, I certainly could. My life would be my own again, perhaps limited, but still mine.

  We exchanged numbers and I went back to school, only a few days late for my classes. I told my professors that there had been an emergency with my family in Mexico. As a good student, they did not question my excuse. They simply gave me my lecture notes and told me to not miss any more classes. Thankfully, I had no night classes that semester, and I learned to not schedule them during the rest of my schooling. It would have been awkward for the full moon to rise while I was in the middle of Economic Recovery Strategies.

  Scarred by associative memories of my Change, I dropped my English minor completely. No one had seen the professor enter my room, and no one had seen her leave since there was nothing left of her to leave. I burned the bloodstained sheets and moved out of the dorm that summer when Luka offered to let me move in. It pleased me that Luka continued to seek me out and was concerned enough about my confusion to patiently answer questions and guide me. I eventually faded away from my school friends for obvious reasons. Luka taught me to hunt and I began to join him hunting rogue Lycanti, earning my own check from the South American Clan who sought to control the increasingly aggressive pack. Keeping up with school while running at night was no problem; I suddenly had more energy than ever.

  Brooke would return to us periodically. She dropped out of college, more interested in becoming a complete animal most of the time. She found the other Lycanti by scent, and I have not seen much of her since. Her pack kills whatever is available and loves to hunt humans.

  We have no call to hunt her yet since she has not betrayed any of our kind, but her closest companion is a renegade whom we seek. Eventually we will cross paths on a hunt, and though we were Changed together, if I get her alone I will kill that bitch in a heartbeat for what she did to Luka.

  Emily

  The room swirled around me like a fine, warm Merlot, making my head spin. The tapestries seemed too rich of a decorum, the impressionist artworks too genuine, the Bach too sweet a symphony for a room full of flesh eaters. Such cultured decadence should not touch those who have the basest physical tastes. Even the food looked too perfectly prepared to be here. Upon closer inspection of the paté, I realized that I could not be quite sure what type of liver made up the gray paste. Mexican food was not agreeing with me so far anyway, and I spent most of the time being nauseous after meals. I had to eat enough to be polite, but I had no desire to be sick again. There were so many people here that no one would notice the avoidance.

  “Drink?” Will asked politely while taking me by the elbow and steering me away from the nearest tray of food.

  “Yes, please.”

  He rewarded me with a radiant smile that warmed me considerably. Such white teeth against his tanned face made me think of pearlescent clouds against a deepening sunset. I returned the smile. He had tried to make me comfortable since we arrived, but being surrounded by a bunch of werewolves made my Friday night a little anxious.

  “So you’re impressed with the mansion, I take it?” he asked.

  “Why didn’t you tell me that your family is rich?” I countered.

  He shrugged. “They’re not really all family. They’re Clan. I barely know my mother’s relatives.”

  “But you’ve all got the same eyes,” I pointed out.

  He laughed, a rich sound that drew the attention of several others. The women smiled at his handsome youth; the men frowned thinking that their women were interested in him. Poor Will.

  “Emily, haven’t you noticed that the only ones with differently-colored eyes come from the southern clans?”

  I looked around the room again, trying not to catch the eyes of anyone while studiously studying their eyes. This is not an easy feat, I assure you. More than one person sneered at me when I got caught.

  “All of you have green eyes.”

  Will pointed to an older man. “That’s Raníer. Look closely. He’s the elder of the southern clan.”

  Raníer turned at his name. I had figured out hours before that there were no secrets in a room full of those with super-sensitive ears. Fully seven feet tall with those broad shoulders I associated with his kind, his eyes burned me until I looked away. Luka’s eyes—the cool blue of rushing water. Will waved. The elder smiled benevolently, first at Will, then at me. I felt a softness towards him then; no one else had smiled at me since we arrived three hours ago. In fact, they made a point to begin speaking in Spanish or Portuguese or even some Italian as soon as Will and I approached. Will could speak with them, but they could smell the human on me and avoided me like the plague. Raníer made his way over.

  “Good evening, Will. Who is your lovely companion?”

  He pulled me closer. “This is Emily.”

  Raníer looked me over, but not in a creepy way, more like he would appraise a daughter going to prom. I blushed, as I so easily did these days.

  “Emily,” he said, sampling my name on his thickly-accented tongue like a wine connoisseur. “And a very human Emily at that.” He leaned in close to me, making Will stiffen. “She smells delicious.”

  I felt the blood drain from my face and Will’s grip tightened even more. Will had explained to me on the trip that the Mexican clans served human at almost every meal, but I would be protected as his guest.

  Raníer pulled away quickly. “Like lavender,” he said suddenly laughing. “Not very edible at all, but something to please the nose.”

  Will relaxed and I exhaled. What the hell was wrong with these people?

  “I apologize,” Raníer said, reaching out to take my hand and pat it before I could spit out some mundane comment. “Credo! I do not have the chance to interact with young humans who know what we are very often. And my English is not good. I have no intentions of eating you, my dear.” He waved his hands flamboyantly in the air. “Goodness knows that there is enough food here already!”

  “Yes,” Will agreed seriously, visibly relaxing his grip on me. “My mother spared no expense for this, did she?”

  “Well, it is her third bond.” The older man laughed. “What do they say in your culture, Emily? The third time is luck?”

  I nodded. “They say the third time’s the charm.”

  “Ah yes, that’s the word. Charm.” He snapped his fingers. “Like you! Charming.”

  I laughed into my hand. “Thank you, sir.”

  Will smiled approvingly at me but turned his attention back to the elder. “Are you on the council this year, Raníer?”

  “As ever.”

  “I hope to have your support in my endeavor in acquiring a good luck charm of my own.”

  Raníer’s eyes widened. The old man was canny, and he would not miss the intended meaning.

  “You will have opposition,” he stated.

  “I am prepared for it.”

  Raníer shot a glance around the room. He, too, knew that nothing was safe to say, even when we thought we were being ignored.

  “I will consider it, but others will not be so understanding.”

  Will nodded. “I know. That is why I hope I can trust you to support me.”

  “What does Luka say?”

  Will’s face tightened and he looked away. “He and I have not spoken for some time.”

  Raníer frowned. “Is my son well?”

  I gasped. “You’re Luka’s father?”

  “Of course. Can you not see where he gets his handsome face?” Raníer asked. He clapped Will on the shoulder and laughed. “He and Will make those Lycanti women louco for them. I did in past times, until I met Luka’s mother.” He sighed. “Ah, but she is worth ten Lycanti—I mean no offense, Will.”

  “It’s alright, sir,” Will responded. “You know I bear no grudge against your family for anything.”

  I knew that Will would not speak further about Luka. I took Raníer’s hands again. “Luka is very well,” I said softly. “He is a fine man.”

  I felt the jealousy come hot and sudden through Will’s tou
ch, but he did not let it color his tone.

  “Yes, we still hunt together. He would make you proud.”

  Raníer’s appreciative smile was all the reward I needed to compensate for Will’s hurt at my compliments of Luka.

  “Then I am pleased! Aya! I cannot wait until he takes a mate and comes home to us.”

  “You may be waiting for some time,” Will cautioned. “You know he still mourns Shasta.”

  “Yes,” Raníer agreed solemnly. “But he knows his obligation to the Clan. When he is thirty, he will come home and I will pick a bride for him if he has not chosen one. Our line is a long one, and he knows his place.”

  Will started a rebuttal, but Raníer waved his words away.

  “Not everyone can find such a beautiful menina. I can only hope that Luka will find such a girl one day.”

  Will cut his eyes to me. “So can I.”

  I swallowed. I did not like the possessive side of him, but I would not show it here.

  A young man came up and touched Raníer on the arm, saying something rapidly in Portuguese.

  Raníer turned to us. “It is time. Where are you going to put Emily during the Bonding?”

  I thought I had misheard him until Will’s answer came, calm and clear:

  “She will go with me.”

  The room fell silent. Every luminescent set of eyes in the room glared at me with hate; some of the kinder ones stared at Will with shock.

  A middle-aged woman stepped up beside Raníer, bold and unabashed in her animosity of me.

  “You will not defile our ceremonies, human puta.”

  “Calm down, Anya,” Raníer said. “There is no need for harsh words.”

  “It is law, Father. There are no humans allowed to witness our traditions. The magic is not for them.”

  “Perhaps it is time for a new tradition,” Will said, fighting to control the anger rising in his voice. I felt his hands tremble on me. “Lycanti once were human, and you allow them to witness the events.”